Nick Donnelly: Founder CityKing.com, Usability Geek, Developer, Business Owner, Traveller, Iconoclast. Based in East London.
Sign in Sunspel, an underwear shop, East London.
What the f*** is a “Sale Advisor”?
I’m sure you think that your shop is special. That your customers deeply consider their underpants and spend hours contemplating - and being ‘advised’ on which pair to buy.
They don’t. They’re underpants. What you have is Sales Staff.
Everyone will translate ‘Sale Advisors’ into ‘Sales Staff’.
We don’t even need ‘sales’; thats obvious. “Staff Wanted”; much better.
Lets look at the rest of the sign:
“Only those with previous retail sales experience need apply”
so “Experience Required” then - 2 words instead of 9.
Are they paid by the word?
“Recruiting now”
No shit!
“Please contact the store manager”
You show contact info - this serves no purpose and may even confuse (is Jade store manager?).
New Sign (Sunspel you’re welcome to use this):
Staff Wanted
Experience Required
19 words become 4.
Why does this matter?
This kind of ‘official tone’ is like a virus, spreading through business. The public sector and legal profession are worst hit - but as you can see - nowhere is safe.
People are overloaded and need simpler, shorter, more readable text.
To be noticed, be brief!
People wont read your waffle; the more you write, the less they read.
The time wasted reading too many words & translating stupidly elaborate prose into plain english is staggering.
An excellent book on this, also recommended by Jason Fried of 37 Signals & Basecamp fame is: Revising Prose by Richard A. Lanham (Click Here)
Less is More!
